


but never doubt i love

by AccioInvisibilityCloak



Category: Lovely Little Losers, Nothing Much to Do
Genre: Coffee date, Conflict Resolution, Costa crashing the double date, Cuddling & Snuggling, Double Date, F/M, Fluff, I'm Sorry, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Canon, as referenced on TCWs twitter, established relationships - Freeform, friendships, hints at unpursued mcdonaldson because i'm shipper trash, much less Costa in this than originally planned, prompted on tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 18:36:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8811703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AccioInvisibilityCloak/pseuds/AccioInvisibilityCloak
Summary: It's not exactly easy for Peter, being on a double date with Balthazar and their slightly estranged straight friends, in his least favorite coffee shop in Wellington. But things seem to be going more smoothly than anyone expected... at least, until Costa shows up.





	

          *******

          Peter sighs, squeezing Balthazar’s hand gently in his own larger one as they walk along the pavement. He’s _happy_. He should be perfectly, completely content. It’s just coffee with old friends, nothing more. And still, as they approach the familiar, hated storefront, Peter stiffens, defensive.

Boyet’s Coffee, open for morning business. And just inside, at a booth in the corner, are Benedick and Beatrice.

Ben bites his lip absently as he stares at the phone he’s holding in one hand. Predictably, he’s ordered some kind of tea. At a _coffee_ shop. Peter rolls his eyes. Next to the dickface, Beatrice picks at a chocolate chip muffin impatiently, steam rising out of the coffee on the table in front of her as she settles back in her seat, her head propped comfortably against her boyfriend’s other arm, which is draped across the low seatback behind her. They just _fit_ together, a seamless tableau, holding years’ worth of emotional baggage and tension in Peter’s heart.

         “Hey, you okay?” Balthazar asks, looking sideways at Peter, his hand already on the door. They’re both getting better at reading each other’s moods, speaking without words. Still, Peter is glad Balth is now more comfortable with verbal communication too.

“It’s just… rough,” Peter admits. “Lots of bad memories. I don’t think I can take it if Ben makes anymore smug comments about our relationship, like he has anything to do with it.”

“He won’t,” says Balthazar quietly. “He knows better now. You made sure of that. And you’ve been getting along in the group chat, remember.”

“That’s true.” Peter likes to spam the 2015 Flat group chat with informative articles and memes about bisexuality, and Ben reads and replies to every single one, to prove that he’s not biphobic anymore. Peter rolls his eyes whenever he hears that, because of course it isn’t that simple. But things are definitely a hell of a lot better between them now than a few months ago.

Still, this whole thing is making Peter incredibly uncomfortable. And it’s not just Ben, either. There’s Beatrice, and all their rocky friendship history, and then there’s the _venue_. Of all the places in Wellington…

“We can leave, if it’s too much right now,” Balthazar offers, but Peter refuses to let the pain of the past two years dictate his actions.

“C’mon, they’ll be waiting.” Peter nods to Balth to go ahead, and reluctantly follows his boyfriend into Boyet’s Café.

            The awkwardness starts immediately. Beatrice is the first to look up and see Peter and Balth approaching, and she pokes Ben gently in the side to let him know they’re here. He squirms out of her reach, and she smiles at Peter as he nears their table. “Peter! Balthazar! It’s so great to see you, thanks for coming,” she says apologetically. “Sorry for the short notice.”

“We couldn’t visit Wellington without seeing you guys, it wouldn’t be right,” Ben adds. “Look at us, almost the whole Flat Team, back together again!”

“It’s good to see you guys, too,” Balthazar smiles. Peter grunts a noncommittal “Hey,” keeping his distance.

“How’s Leo?” he asks nervously. Beatrice’s bottom lip trembles for a moment before she meets his eyes again.

“You could have called, Peter,” she says, hurt and disappointment written all over her face.

“I… wasn’t sure you’d want to hear from me,” Peter admits, and Beatrice sighs.

“When are you going to accept that you really are still my friend? Let me forgive you already,” Bea says, exasperated, and Peter laughs.

“I’m-”

“Don’t you dare say you’re sorry again,” she says, softening. “I _know_. And Leo’s doing… better. He’s strong, and he’s not out of the woods entirely, but we’re hopeful. Thank you for asking, Peter.”

           Beatrice and Benedick stand to give Peter and Balth hugs. Peter pulls away quickly both times and sits down, so that the Boyet’s Coffee sign up front is right in his line of sight. He glares over Ben’s shoulder at the sign, like it’s personally insulted him just by existing.

“What’s with you?” Ben asks, confused, as the other three join Peter at the table.

“He’s just being overdramatic-” Balthazar starts, but Peter interrupts him.

“I just don’t see why it had to be Boyet’s, that’s all,” he grimaces. “The coffee here tastes like dirt.”

“Oh my god,” Beatrice laughs suddenly. “You poor thing. You could have just asked us to pick a different place, or get it to-go.”

“No, he couldn’t,” Balthazar says. “That’s all in the past. It shouldn’t have to be a big deal anymore.”

“What shouldn’t?” Ben asks. “Am I missing something?”

Beatrice grins knowingly. “Peter’s still jealous, that’s all. It’s okay though, Vegan Fred isn’t even working today. I checked with Meg. I was hoping to say hi. Because he’s a _perfectly nice guy_ and not a supervillain, right, Peter?”

Peter crosses his arms, causing Balthazar’s hand to fall away from where it had been resting on top of his own. “You have no proof of that.”

Balthazar sighs into his coffee. Bea gives him a worried look as Ben says, “I still don’t get what the big deal is, Pete. Balthazar loves you, and I’m sure Boyet’s moved on by now anyway.”

“It’s nothing to do with Balthazar! I just don’t like the guy, okay?” Peter says, frustrated. “And anyway, we don’t even know if he _has_ moved on! You’re honestly telling me that you’d feel differently if it were Beatrice he was always hitting on?”

“I dunno, I really don’t think I’d care unless it was making her uncomfortable,” Ben says.

“I’m right here,” Beatrice reminds them pointedly. “Don’t you dare talk about me like I’m not. Also, I’m definitely not Vegan Fred’s type, just saying.”

“Sorry, love,” Ben says, turning to Bea. “I just meant… well, I might not love it, but I would hope I'd know that if someone else had a crush on you, it still wouldn’t make any difference when it comes to us. We’re a thing, we're solid. Besides, I trust you.”

“Well, good, I would hope so,” says Bea matter-of-factly, and kisses his cheek. “I trust you too.”

Peter makes a face at their show of affection before saying confidently, “And Balthazar and I trust each other, one hundred percent. Babe, you know that, right?”

Balthazar stares down at the surface of the table, embarrassed. “Uh, yeah, ‘course I know,” he mumbles. “And I would tell you if I was uncomfortable.”

“Okay then, there’s no problem,” says Ben happily. “On to more important things. Such as… what have I missed? How’s school, how’s the flat, how are you guys? Tell me everything.”

Peter makes a face. “No.”

Everyone laughs, and finally, the tension begins to ebb.

            It’s really astonishing to Peter, how _normal_ this conversation feels. It’s still hard to feel fully comfortable with Ben and Bea, after all that’s happened, but for all the drama left them each scarred, this really does feel almost like nothing more than catching up with good friends. He and Balth fill the other couple in on what it’s like to live in a flat without rules, and how Paige and Chelsey and Rosa and Kel and Jaquie and everyone are doing. Beatrice talks about Hero and John, how she saw both of them before she left Auckland and they’re each doing really well. Peter’s heart swells at the news that Hero is loving her art history classes and still happily dating Ursula. Peter is finally past what happened two years ago, but he’s always relieved to hear that Hero’s okay. He missed her graduation from Messina, he realizes. He ought to send her flowers.

The conversation turns to Balthazar’s music and the album he’s writing, and Peter jumps at the chance to be the Proud Boyfriend and brag about Balth’s accomplishments, how the pain of last year has given rise to some of his best original songs yet. But instead of being happy, Balthazar blushes and pulls away from Peter’s touch to clasp his hands in his lap, avoiding everyone’s eyes. He’s modest in public, uncomfortable with praise. Peter’s so in awe of Balth, he forgets that sometimes. He trails off, letting the conversation drift away from Balth, who offers a grateful smile. Still, Balthazar is sitting as far inside the booth as possible, his small shoulder pressed against the wall, putting space between himself and his boyfriend. Peter lets Balth have his space when he needs it, but it makes him strangely sad. Even though Balthazar is right here, Peter misses him.

Across the table, Beatrice is now sitting so close to Ben that she’s practically on top of him, their arms around each other. Those two are ridiculously cuddly, and since the removal of the rules, they’ve only gotten worse and worse about it. Even in public, Bea and Ben can’t seem to resist touching each other as much as possible. Peter sees how intimate they are with each other, and he just feels cold all over.

          Balthazar goes up to the counter to order, and Peter watches him, standing there, so beautiful. He wishes he was cozied up to him, the way their friends are. Balth’s fingers tap out a nervous rhythm against the leg of his jeans and Peter imagines he’s humming a song under his breath right now. Maybe if Peter knew the language of music, he would finally feel able to reach Balthazar, to feel like all his walls have finally come down. His boyfriend reaches the barista, and Peter tears his eyes away and pulls out his phone. Ben and Bea are off in their own little world for the moment, talking softly, so he has a free minute to check- oh no. Costa is still texting him, bugging him to meet up and discuss plot ideas for his next play. Peter told him that he was busy this afternoon, but Costa is _incorrigible._ Peter has to smile at the string of emojis that accompanies everything Costa sends him. It’s like texting Ben, only worse.

“Ooh, I like coffee!!!” reads Costa’s reply to Peter’s last message. “You know, Boyet’s actually isn’t far from the theater, and I’m due for a break soon. Maybe I’ll see you there!” He’s finished the text with an eyes emoji and a cup of coffee emoji, plus a winky face. This is bad, Peter thinks, looking around the room for the telltale exuberance of Costa McClure. This is very, very bad.

Standing just outside, framed in the picture window at the front of the café, is Costa. He’s grinning and waving madly at Peter, Ben, and Bea. Peter quickly looks down at his lap, pretending not to have seen anything. He stifles another laugh and hopes that Ben and Bea are still too disgustingly engrossed in each other to have noticed and thought to invite Costa in- but an energetic cry dashes his hopes. “Peter Donaldson, as I live and breathe!” says the theatre showman, waltzing in uninvited. Though, Peter supposes, it is a public place. They can’t exactly keep him out, after all.

Costa makes a beeline for their booth. “This is so funny running into you, Peter, how perfect! Balthazar, I hope you won’t mind my trying to steal your man away for another work of theatrical genius, I promise I’ll return him when I’m done!” 

Balthazar doesn’t look terribly thrilled with this, walking back from the counter with latte in hand just as Costa steals his seat. Peter shoots him an apologetic look, and Balthazar sighs with a resigned smile, declaring a truce as he pulls up an extra chair to sit at the end of the table. Peter tries not to worry about how jealous they can both get sometimes. It just means they love each other. Right?

          “Hey, Costa,” says Ben, still running his fingers up and down along Beatrice’s forearm affectionately. “How’s the new show coming?” 

“Don’t encourage him,” says Peter, but Costa’s already off on a spiel, going on about the series of one-act plays he recently directed for a local community theatre company, which, he insists, pales in comparison to the Nine Worthies. Peter gets lost in Costa’s storytelling as usual, as silly and over-the-top as it is. It’s like the stage is alive in front of him, even when Costa’s face is all he sees. It’s magical.

“You should have been there, Peter,” Costa insists, teeth bared, halfway out of his chair as he reenacts a scene from a one-act where a character is chased off by a bear. “You’d have been a natural fit for the character of the handsome warrior who slays the beast!”

Peter blushes, refusing to meet Beatrice’s eye. He just knows she’s laughing at that description, and he doesn’t want her to see how much he loves it.

          Eventually, Costa seems to realize he’s commandeering the conversation, and he redirects, turning to Ben and Bea. “I should have asked, how have you two been? Still together, I see, very nice.”

“Obviously,” says Beatrice, instinctively edging, if possible, even closer to Ben. He holds her tighter in return, like he’s still a little afraid she’ll disappear. “Why wouldn’t we be?”

Costa blushes bright red. “Oh, ah, no reason! I just thought… you two had such a rough patch this past year, and it didn’t seem like you were horribly confident about, ah… I’ll just stop now, shall I?”

“Good call,” Beatrice says, glaring daggers at him. “Because Ben and I are _fine_ now. We’re happier than ever.”

“Communication!” Ben says cheerfully. “It works wonders.”

“Clearly, I’ve touched a nerve,” Costa says bashfully. “I do apologize.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Bea grumbles. “I’m just sick of feeling so judged for choosing to forgive my own boyfriend instead of giving up on him. There is _nothing_ wrong with that, okay? Even if he can be kind of a dickface sometimes,” she adds as a playful aside to Ben.

“You defend me and insult me at the same time. What did I do to deserve you, love?” Ben jokes back, kissing her on the temple.

 She melts into a smug smile. “Well, I don't think there are any _rules_ for that.”

“Oh, shut up,” Ben grumbles, pretending to be offended.

“Love you,” Beatrice says instead, which just makes him laugh and cuddle her closer.

          “Anyway, everything’s great, Costa, thanks for asking,” says Ben. “We’ve just been enjoying catching up with these lovelorn losers here.” He gestures to Peter and Balthazar.

“Ben,” Peter warns. “What did we say about shipping us?”

“That I should knock it off?”

“Exactly,” Peter and Balth say in unison.

“Unless you want us to start writing fanfic about you and Bea, see how you like it,” Peter adds.

“I never wrote-” Ben starts indignantly, while Beatrice just laughs.

“That’s actually not a bad idea for a show,” Costa muses. “A group of friends who can’t stop shipping each other with each other, and then they find out that they’re all actually the fictional creations of a group of young Kiwi playwrights, who have been pushed and pulled in so many different directions because of a wealth of fanworks that change their characterization with each read-through. It’s brilliant!”

“Well, you can forget about me starring in that one,” Peter says with distaste. “I hate to break it to you, mate, but it’s a little hacky.”

“And I thought I was my harshest critic!” Costa says dramatically, pressing one hand over his heart and squeezing Peter’s shoulder with the other. “It’s okay, though, I would probably have scrapped that idea anyway, it’s not my best.”

Peter laughs, leaning into Costa’s touch. The playwright puts an arm around him, cheerfully extolling Peter’s stage presence and how much he wants to write him more lead roles. It feels nice, to be so openly sought after.

At least until he notices Balthazar sitting silently at the end of the table, staring at the floor. Again.

         “Balthazar, are you okay?” Peter asks, and all eyes turn to the little musician. When Balthazar looks up at him, Peter’s entire body feels cold again.

Balthazar’s eyes are hooded and accusatory, holding a pain like Peter hasn’t seen in months. He shifts uncomfortably in his seat. Costa guiltily takes his arm off of Peter’s shoulders, seeming to sense that it’s not the time.

“It’s nothing,” Balthazar says darkly. “We’re even now, Pete. I know how you feel about this place, okay? Point proven.”

“What-?” Costa starts, confused, but Beatrice gives him one of her trademark scary Looks, and he falls silent, for once. Peter pats him on the shoulder and Costa slides out of the booth so he can get up.

“We need to talk,” he says shortly to his boyfriend, and starts for the front of the café, hoping that Balthazar is following him.

            “What’s wrong with you?” Balthazar’s plaintive voice asks shrilly, as soon as they walk out the door. “You really hate Fred Boyet so much that you’d invite Costa here to make me jealous too? I thought we were past this.”

“I did too,” Peter snaps, turning to face him. “But apparently, I was wrong, if you think I would actually do something that petty and manipulative! I didn’t ask him to come here, and he didn’t mean anything by what he did. He’s just affectionate!”

“…I could be affectionate,” Balthazar says softly, looking up at Peter from under those long, beautiful eyelashes. Even when they’re fighting, Peter can’t look at his boyfriend without an intake of breath and a gasping thought of how beautiful he is.

Peter laughs humorlessly. “Is that why you pulled away every single time I tried to touch you today? I mean, God, Balth, Ben and Beatrice have been together for almost two years and they still act like they just got together last week! I date you for a few months and you already refuse to touch me? What am I supposed to take from that, huh?”

“Peter,” Balthazar sighs, and there’s a softness in his eyes, like a combination of sadness and laughter. “Don’t be silly. It isn’t that I don’t want to cuddle with you. I- I _love_ being close to you. Don’t you know that by now?”

Peter’s heart swells. He knows it’s still hard for Balthazar to say those words, so it means twice as much when he says them _and_ acts on them, sidling up to Peter and curling up against his side, his fuzzy sweater soft against Peter’s arms as they hold each other in the middle of the empty street. It’s a lot harder to be angry after that.

“See? Next to you is my favorite place,” Balthazar admits. “I just… I’d rather stuff like this was a little more private. It should be just for us, not a bunch of random patrons in the coffee shop. I want this… us… to be special. Is that okay?”

“Balthazar, of course it is. I’m so sorry I was such an ass today, I wasn’t thinking. I love you.”

“I love you too, Peter. So much.” Balthazar stands on his toes, pressing his lips softly to his boyfriend’s in a sweet little kiss. Peter blushes again as he kisses back, nuzzling as close to Balthazar as possible.

            By the time they get back to the table a few minutes later, Ben has distracted a glum-looking Costa into a spirited debate on which is the best of Marlowe’s plays. He still has an arm around Beatrice, who is looking up at him fondly as he extols the virtues of his favorite works of theatre. She looks so _happy_ to be right where she is, in Ben’s arms. It makes Peter smile and squeeze Balthazar's hand. Who would have thought there would come a day when he and his oldest friend would both have boyfriends who made them this happy?

Peter knows better than to be jealous of Bea and Ben’s public cuddling, this time. Peter doesn’t need that to be happy. He refuses to need it. He and Balthazar are just different people, a different kind of couple, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Of course, it helps that Balthazar compromises by holding his hand under the table for the rest of the afternoon. And when they get home tonight, in the privacy of their own space, they’ll put on a cute queer film and forget the world while they cuddle the night away, and it will be more than worth the wait.

*******

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Hamlet, and my scrambling to find a title is the reason this fic is late, sorry! 
> 
> I genuinely do think Bea and Ben are hella cuddly in public while Pedrazar are more restrained, it's just a preference thing for both couples. But I hope I put in enough Pedrazar fluff for you guys not to feel like I was just not giving the queer ship as much love, because that would be really shitty and I'd never want to do that on purpose. Being bisexual but also Beadick trash myself, I thought about that a lot while I was writing this. I hope it turned out ok. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy! I'll probably update my stalled chaptered fics more often going forward when winter break gives me more time to write! See you then, friends! :D


End file.
